Checking in on the Revolutionaries

We’re in painfully devestating Times—witnessing multiple wars, greater traction with murderous groups enacting ‘ethnic-cleansing’ worldwide & state-sanctioned genocides.

How did we get Here?

Philosophers say that those who don’t know their history are doomed to repeat it. But when our primary & secondary educations are skewed to show white cis-males as victors, explorers, pioneers, and somehow always in the right, how can we possibly move in an enlightened and informed way as a global community?

I don’t know all the world’s history, but I have a strong sense that colonization, nationalism, exploitation, greed, and hatred has ravaged every culture and indigenous peoples in this world, irrevocably.

I believe in the best in humanity & in my work I consistently see some of the very best of humanity. But there’s a lot of pain & ignorance going on and it doesn’t feel like it’s letting up anytime soon. To say that “there’s a lot going on in the world” feels like an understatement that somehow encompasses everything, without having to land on any one thing in particular.

When I hear this phrase from folx, I find myself wanting to go deeper and specifically ask which of the many global issues they’re referring to, of how they feel in their bodies around it, of what they need more of in their days. But as I’m flooded with this deep & pervasive curiosity, this willingness to support, I remind myself that this energy is best spent with my clients & loved ones, and I lean into the avoidant politeness in the air—surmising that it’s somehow more acceptable to be quiet and to hold space, to gently nod, rather than to facilitate going deeper into something I don’t fully know how to articulate and that I don’t want to be responsible to the emotional fallout of.

One of my intentions for this Scorpio Season is to release the perceived responsibility to give my precious energy away to superficial connections, and to instead invest in ones that have the potential & capacity for depth.

I figure, as with all things, I’ll start with me.

How’s are you these days, Heart? 

Most mornings I wake up tight & angry with teeth clenched, restless, agitated, and weary. So, I urge you to meditate until our jaw relaxes, or I lead you to journal incoherently till words no longer serve a purpose, or I move our feet to wander the streets at 3 or 4am crying hot tears and asking Spirit, the archangels, and our guides to help those being murdered in Palestine, to support those seeking freedom in Afghanistan, Ethiopia, Libya, Mali, Myanmar, Syria, Yemen, to help all people experiencing genocide & terrorism at the hands of groups who believe in ethnic cleansing and enact politicide in Benin, Cameroon, Burkina Faso, Nigeria, Chad, Ghana, Iraq, Mozambique, Mauritania, Sudan, Uganda, Tunisia, Togo. I urge your mouth to form pleas to ask Them to help everyone who is unhoused, who is rejected, who doesn’t belong, who isn’t being actively & fiercely loved. I ask Them to include any peoples that resonate with this particular frequency violence, oppression, and pain.

As my Heart & I move as One, I ask for peace, for global healing, for collective sanity, for a renewed & deeper sense of compassion in all hearts. 

I cry for the lives cut short, for the families and friends of the souls who are transitioning well before they expected, and I tell Spirit that I don’t understand Them—that my brain breaks and my heart hurts at the thought of all the murders.

I ask Them to use my pain, the pain of all those witnessing this Time, & the pain of all those directly impacted by violence & sanctioned crime. I ask Them to transmute and crystallize it into something New.

I again, ask for Peace. 

I express gratitude for everyone who fights for liberation by writing to their representatives, by attending actions, by organizing protests, by traveling to spaces and volunteering their bodies, their voices, their energies to this moment in this movement. I am grateful to all those who are donating their time, their efforts, and their resources.

I think tenderly of those engaging in care work at this time, those Checking in on the front-line activists and holding them down when they’re weary, listening to their fears, feeding them, reminding them to rest & that their day-to-day care is important, too. 

My heart fills as I imagine all the other souls awake, praying & meditating on peace, on love, dreaming up new & loving realities to have co-exist at this Time, or for a Time beyond This One. I’m thankful for the thought revolutionaries.

I’m thankful for all those who let themselves cry, shout, and get angry. I’m thankful to all who won’t let their spirits be broken; for all those who still have a sliver of Hope, for all who are Alive.

I smile like a Cheshire Cat and laugh with abandon as I think of those re-allocating resources away from organizations that fund Palestinian oppression, and divest their energy & time from folx & institutions that seek to profit from any dehumanizing efforts.

I’m thankful to those who love, guard, and protect the Earth, and I’m thankful to those who love themselves. 

I sigh.

Before I realize it, I experience a Shift. Here is yet another morning where I feel better than when I woke up. Another day when I can give my full Presence to the folx I hold space for.

My mind is clearer. My heart, soothed—for now. I’ll check in again tomorrow.

We’ve just moved a lot of energy. How are you Today, Body?

My left hip and shoulder cry out in aches, piercing & inflamed pain.

When I ask my shoulder & hip why they hurt, they bring forth memories of being a young sensitive, queer, non-binary Being all the way tapped into energies & other people’s feelings in a homophobic, transphobic, violent, and traumatized Home, with parents who feared for my life (outside, but not in) & prayed I’d grow out of this “phase” and be “normal.” I breathe deeply as I welcome memories of siblings who stayed quiet for fear of saying the wrong thing, who stayed quiet because no one taught them the words, who stayed quiet because they willed for my stoicism & quiet to mean I was fine.

All of these memories remind me of this Time. Of the disappointment and heartbreak and anger many are feeling as they digest that our government has made us non-consensually complicit to wars & genocides, of the distrust & fear so many are feeling with their family members, friends, communities, and institutions, of being unsure if their Safety & perceived Security will remain, of questioning of if they want it to, of the way Silence can cause harm, be a symptom of pain, & breed isolation.

I softly touch these parts of me, letting tears well up in my eyes, at the tenderness of my own touch. I think fondly of a young me who had to fight for my personal freedom, before I knew what it meant to be free. Of a young one who had to protect my dreams, my desires, my heart, my creativity, my writing, my sexuality from prying & fearful eyes, harsh judgments, dangerous projections, abuses of power, and promises of Hell if I didn’t “change my ways” and follow a script for a life that was never mine to begin with.

I envision comforting my past Self in all the ways that I needed when I was that young. I hug them up and rock them, humming discordant notes of empathy, listening to their wails & groans as they weep. I reassure them repeating the refrain, ‘I know’ and ‘let it out’ and ‘I’m Here’ as I rub their back and kiss their warm tear-stained cheeks. I wipe their tears as the waves of grief pass and I tell them they are right to feel just as hurt, and just as sad, and just as angry as they do. I tell them I’m ready to hold them down for as long as they need.

I ponder what I now have the language to call psychological, spiritual, and emotional abuse. I’m thankful at how far I’ve come in not discounting these just because the wounds are invisible and immeasurable. I’m thankful for all the therapy I’ve had that has taught me to regularly choose self-acceptance over shame or guilt.

And I smile sweetly to myself with the verbal reminder, ‘Self, we survived.’

Now, my hip doesn’t hurt as much, my shoulder has more mobility. I move them, stretch them, and breathe with each motion. Both areas crack to relieve tension and again, I smile.

For today, for now, my body is good enough. I’ll check in again tomorrow.

Monday’s Scorpio New Moon is Trine Neptune Rx in Pisces and opposes Uranus Rx in Taurus. 

This is a great Time to check in with the most tender and fearful parts of you. To write down your dreams or take note of the emotions that are present when you wake up. To take note of how your young self feels about how you’re living Now. And to honor the memories that are coming in with waves of grief as you digest present-day distrust & heartbreak.

How can your intuition guide your self-care this week?

Your shadow is likely more active right now, maybe throwing shade energetically, mentally, or verbally to those with whom you don’t agree, contributing to a sense of numbness, frenzy, or dysregulatipn in your body-mind as your heart attempts to navigate spaces, relationships, and systems you are realizing you don’t trust, and highlighting the intense & pervasive Change that is ever-present in the very foundations of what we’ve previously known. 

Where does Safety live in your Life?

We have a not-so-gentle invitation to look ourselves in the mirror, like really look—in our eyeballs and everything—and to commune with the soul looking back at us.

I looked into my eyes today and I saw a dope & gentle soul.

I saw my purpose. I saw a squad of so much spiritual protection. I saw hope. I thought of how impossible this felt only a few short years ago when I feared looking into my eyes and my soul because I was afraid of my power, and I was afraid I instrinsically ‘bad.’

Today, I smiled at myself as I thought, ‘No longer.’

Our safety doesn’t reside in our nation, our government, or our globe. For some of us, it also doesn’t reside in our families, the religions we were born into, or the communities we inherited.

Life has taught me that if one is clear on where the safety doesn’t reside, that they’re that much closer to finding out where it can be.

Maybe you already know…maybe it’s in Love, friendship, chosen family, creativity, advocacy, care. Wherever it is, I’m sure it’s one of your Co-Creation.

This is a powerful Time to ask ourselves how we devote ourselves to liberation personally, bodily, sexually, romantically, interpersonally, familially, politically, spiritually, cosmically, systemically, globally.

Starting with One is more than enough. Capitalism teaches that there is never Enough. Our Bodies and Hearts speak a different Truth.

If you get overwhelmed or begin to doubt your efforts, remember that the Systems in place are Designed to keep you feeling Powerless, Helpless, and Small. Recognize it for what it is, allow the sadness, grief, and anger to roll through, and remember that there is power in the personal and in the collective. If needed, repeat the following:

My thoughts, prayers, efforts, & actions Count in the Grand Scheme.

There are many valid roles in the Revolution & I’m doing my Part.

I Acknowledge that I’m doing my Best.

I look forward to doing More as my Capacity Grows.

Self-care & Rest are my replenishing strategies as my Capacity Wanes.

I attract good-natured, good-hearted people to build Lives of Care, Love, and Liberation.

My Existence is Enough.

With love, tenderness, & all the Peace my heart can muster,

Ayda